NOT AGAIN!

Do I have a deployment curse?  Is there a black cloud that only pours when M is gone?  We really are doing well.  The first 24 hours were awesome in fact.  Then last night Connor was cuddling with me cause he didn't feel well.  Then he cried out and the puke started.  I couldn't move because he was on top of me but I was able to catch it with two glasses which were right next to me.  Then Caleb had it from the other end.  Tonight Caleb just puked.  I don't know where this deployment curse came from but...make it stop!

Actually except for the moment right before puke the boys have been fine so this must be some weird pukey thing.  Whatever, my kids puke more than anyone I've ever met, they just seem to set their puke records when daddy leaves.  Unfortunately it was just long enough between pukes that we invited our friend from next door over this evening because we thought we were clear.  Sorry for being a bad neighbor!  We will be skipping church tomorrow due to the puke.  Last deployment we made it to about 9 Sundays of church.  I am determined to break that record, but we will miss this first Sunday.

The next several photos are a "show" the kids did for daddy and I today.  They were excited to have it filmed so daddy can see it later.  Hope you enjoy our performers as much as I did.  ;)

She likes to dress up like Mary, as in Mary Mother of Jesus.

Would Connor dress up as anything other than a Super Hero?

Caleb tried his talent on the keyboard

He can only dress up as a Pirate, Woody or the Blue Power Ranger.  Pirate it is today.

I have no idea if this video will work.  I have never put a video on here so we shall see.  Hope you get to see it grandmas!

Swimming Fun

The baby pool has had its last days!  Last summer we just barely pulled off the kids playing in it.  Yesterday on the spur of the moment I decided my kids NEEDED the $24.00 pool from Kmart.  So the kids opted to cancel our plans (trip to the aquarium) and spend the afternoon in the pool.  Here are a few snap shots of them having fun and of the yard.  Enjoy.

Connor practicing being a daddy by throwing the doll in the pool

He was very proud to have defeated what was now a monster attacking

the finished play ground daddy and Uncle Brandon built

A tree planted for each kiddo

My birthday roses from my dad and step-mom from last year

the herb garden which I have never used

the daisies I cut and pass out to friends

18" deep pool will definitely bring us lots of fun til it breaks

Lando the dog

he misses M too

He's leaving on a jet plane...

For our last dinner together we surprised daddy with a trip to Outback.  He LOVES one meal in particular so that is what he got!  The restaurant even surprised us with a free dessert and they covered M's meal!  What a treat!!!  Thank you Outback!!!

Big smiles for daddy 

He loves his blooming onion 

Can you tell the boys just woke up?

Our yummy and FREE dessert

There's the Caleb we all know

Amazing how a little bread in the tummy can perk you right up!

L decided to hide in our family photo

Time to say goodbye to our favorite man in the world!  The kids did great!  M had the idea to take them to Chuckie Cheese right after our goodbyes.  Since that crazy Mouse House was waiting for us the kids were very excited about our next adventure...resulting in just a few goodbye tears.

take 1

take 2

take 3

love this family

they love their Marine!

last hug

last hug

last hug

onward to our next adventure

She will carry that photo with Chuckie around for the next week

His favorite game!  Just like daddy!

They love this game just cause it shakes them around

I think she spent all but 2 tokens at this one

She poses each time I say, "A photo for daddy"

She wanted a pic with Chuckie for daddy.  So this is for you!

More silliness for daddy

A dear friend sent this necklace to me on our last deployment.
I will wear the ribbon and dog tags until my baby comes home!

I will try to update this blog every couple of days for daddy and anyone else who wants to read.  I know the grandmas will love the updates.  

We are doing very well.  Chuckie Cheese was a brilliant idea by daddy to distract the kids.  We came home, took baths and bedtime routine.  I even hung out with the dog for a bit.  I am so grateful for a smooth goodbye.  We wish blessings on you daddy as you do your job well!

We are now geared up for our next several months.

ADT -- check

Dog to scare bad guys -- check

  Daddy chain/wall -- check

lots of travel plans -- check

lots of love felt from friends and family -- check and THANK YOU!

I am feeling good today because so many of you checked in on us.  

Thank you so much!  We love you!!

If you are so inclined to send letters/cards to M, here is his address:

CWO2 Matthew T Collins

8th Comm BN FWD

Unit 73455

FPO AE 09510-3455

I know he would appreciate homemade yummies and pictures of what you are up to.  

A piece of our heart

Most know that soon a piece of our hearts, a piece of our lives, and the love of my life will soon be departing.  So to keep our daddy updated, mamma will be updating this again with pictures and stories. We have lots of big deals coming soon...

L's graduation from Pre-school
L's dance recital
C&C's dance recital (which they hate and yell at me about, they want to be back in gymnastics)
L's gymnastics show

...just to name a few!

 SO pictures uploaded hopefully every couple of days and fun stories.

I keep telling myself that this deployment has to go better right?!?!?!  My breath catches in my chest and a few tears have been shed at the thought of how difficult the last separation was.  The seizure, surgeries, the hand, foot and mouth in all 3 at the same time, lice, L's broken toe, my car blowing up etc.

Then I have a self-talk...we are in America this time which makes this automatically easier!  We are within driving distance of several family members.  It won't cost $1500 to fly my mom when things get too hard!  We have a terrific church family which I am actually part of since I am not overwhelmed with twins.  (We had a great church family in Okinawa too, I just wasn't in a place to participate).

A couple of kidisms...

All 3 call their butts "bum bums"
Caleb calls boogers "noggies", Connor calls them "boogies" and L calls them "Boggers" as in long o.
Apparently kids don't make marks on the wall, "fingers" make marks on the walls.
I am "a mean mommy" because kids get in trouble when they get out of bed for the 18th time.
Finally, "daddy is a handsome boy".

The kids are so fun these days!  They make us laugh every day!  There is less stress and SO much fun! We took them into NYC for one day last week and it was AWESOME!  They rode a train, were in a cab, and a ferry all in one day.  The point being that 3 kids is no longer overwhelming!  It is delightful.  We can load up with NO DIAPER bag and just go!  I am excited to share our precious kids with you again.  Maybe grandmas will no longer harass me for photos if I get this going ;).

Holy Smokes!

I am so excited...he comes home today.  Almost 7 months later and we get to hug him, kiss him, know he is safe!  We get to love on him and get back to our regular lives!  We get to have meals together again, we get to play together, snuggle, and have family time!  Over the last months, every time we were having family time or a family day, L would always remind us that our family was missing someone!  Now we get to have him home with us again!!!

Several thoughts that I will probably expand on later...

1. It is not hard to not cheat for almost 7 months apart.  I do not understand wives/husbands who cheat.  It is really not that hard to adore and stay faithful to my husband from afar.

2. This (the deployment) was  A LOT harder than I thought it was going to be; taking care of the kids, managing the house, taking care of our schedules and trying to be here for phone calls and skype calls from daddy, being everything for everyone!  It was rough.

3. The kids are resilient.  Though we would much prefer to have daddy home, they did survive me parenting alone.

4. Marine Corps. keeps the spark in the marriage!  The anticipation could kill me!

5. God always provides just right when you need.

6. "I CAN do ALL things through HIM who gives me STRENGTH!"

Will add pictures and more later...off to finish getting ready!!!

What a life!

I am so absolutely blown away by the difference in our lives since Oct. 27.  That is the day when the boys had tubes put in their ears.  While Caleb is his same huggable, lovable, sweet self; Connor is a different child!

Prior to tubes Connor would throw tantrums up to 3 times per day for up to one hour at a time.  There were times he would tantrum so badly I was convinced something had to be wrong and was moments away from calling 911.  For a child to be thrashing and screaming for that long there surely had to be something wrong, right?  I have worked with kids who tantrum, and believe me those kids who have Autism know how to throw a fit...  But I had never seen one so violent where absolutely nothing would distract or help him.  There seemed to be no apparent cause or solution.  He would just violently thrash until he was exhausted and then be done.  I didn't understand why.  I didn't know what started it.  I didn't know what to do.  I even kept a log of the situation right before the tantrum, possible triggers, who was around and what was happening.  Not once was there a connection or obvious reason.  I was perplexed!  Apparently strong-willed and fluid on the ears preventing hearing are a REALLY bad combination!

The differences include so many things.  He has not thrown one major tantrum since walking out of the hospital!  He has suddenly become a boy who loves giving and receiving affection.  Before he couldn't be bothered with a hug or a kiss.  He comes to ask me for help now which was NEVER the case before.  He asks for kisses when he gets hurt now.  He smiles almost all the time!  He laughs with his brother and sister all the time now.  Whereas before he spent most of his time screaming at them and me.  He responds to my efforts to comfort or distract him when he is hurt of frustrated.  He has not screeched the ear-piercing screech that made me want to slap him each time he did it.  Each screech made my ears feel as though they were shattering which prompted a visceral response that urged me to silence the source!  Thankfully God somehow brought just enough patience that I never hurt him, but I was frustrated with him frequently.  I am no longer at the end of my rope or yelling all the time.  This is just the difference for me!  Can you imagine how the world has opened up to this now happy-all-the-time little boy?!?!?!?!

He seems to be no longer feeling frustrated and outraged all the time.  He is not uncomfortable or in pain anymore.  He understands what is going on and how to get help when he needs it!!!!!

I am so excited for the change in our lives!!!!  I am even considering giving up the maid.  That is huge.  I am excited that for 2 weeks my kids are acting like typical kids.  I can't imagine having a child with a life-long developmental difference and the stress level which can result!  We are so so grateful to have turned this corner and for life to be improving each day!

Connor off to surgery.

Coming out of it!  This part was horrible!  Each boy screamed and thrashed for about 30 minutes.  Then it was over and our lives are changes!  Thank goodness for our 2 friends who came with us!

Caleb is ready to go!

College

My 10-year college reunion was last week.  Wow.  "That is crazy to me to think about" is of course what everyone says.  Because of the reunion which I missed (living in Japan put a damper on that one) I have been thinking about my college years.  For almost two weeks I had dreams every night about the what ifs and maybes of all the big decisions I made back then.  Boy I sure knew nothing and the older I get the less I realize I know.

Sad to say, but I really don't remember college very much.  I of course remember close relationships but not a lot of the college experience.  I am not sure what happened to those years other than I know I worked hard.  I think the working hard is what did it for me.  I went on about 4 hours of sleep per night almost the whole time.  Between 18 hours/semester, working off campus (many weeks up to 30 hours/week), work study, being an RA and soccer, I have very few and very vague memories of those years.

I do remember my college recruiter saying that I would be married by the time I graduated and I looked at him confused.  Why would I get married in college?  I was there to get a degree!  Then after my first year at York I think there were about 21 weddings...and I figured out what the recruiter was talking about.

I remember hating school the first 2 years and then loving it the last 2 1/2.  That would be because I met some very dear friends who I still keep in my heart.  But most of the time in York is a blank.  I didn't have a camera and I think that is a huge part of why I don't remember much.  There is nothing to look at and reminisce about.  I also have a terrible memory which is something my daughter has already figured out; she is very patient when I am constantly forgetting things.

About all I remember is being poor...I once was so poor I had no $$ to fill up my gas tank and my boyfriend at the time had to push my car into the gas station and put gas in it.  I was too proud to ask but since he pushed the car into the gas station I suppose I really did need the help with a little gas.  I remember one semester living on crackers and cheese and when my roommate felt sorry for me she would give me a can of tuna.

I don't even remember doing homework...which I must have done because I graduated with a 4.0 in my major and with honors overall.  But how or when did I do it?

I don't know what we did for fun.  I don't remember much at all which is such a shame.  I am certain that college has played a HUGE roll in who I have become, I just don't remember how I got here.

I hope that my children don't have to work like I did when they go to college.  And I will definitely be sending them with a camera!


What are your memories of your late teens and early 20's?

The list goes on...

Our deployment has been filled with lots of adventure:

One ER visit for L
Dr visit for ear infections
back thrown out
22 vomits/cribs changes in 11 days
hand, foot and mouth on all 3
more double ear infections
about 5 different viruses going through the kids other than the hand, foot and mouth and the ear infections
boys going to have ear surgery for tubes
one boy identified as DD -- temper tantrums, sensory issues and language delays
audiology appointments
ENT appointments
EI appointments for OT and SLP
I believe there was another ER visit in there for one of the boys
back hurt again
getting fat because I now eat when stressed and there has been a lot of stress (didn't know this about myself until my metabolism slowed and the gaining started)
My brother leaving for the sandbox doing a VERY dangerous job
car blew up
other car died
L broke her toe or jammed it really bad
I have had one night of really good sleep since May
Boys referred for the Developmental Pediatrician because they are having so many issues
One seizure

To think that there are still 2 months left of this "adventure" makes me want to vomit, convulse, and run away all at the same time.  At least we don't have cancer, at least we don't have cancer, at least we don't have cancer has been my mantra lately.  Because I frequently feel that is the only thing to be thankful for...then I remember all the blessings and try to hold onto that.

Blessings:

Family members who send cards, email, call and send packages and write FB notes
Friends who send packages, cards, call and leave FB notes
Books sent to all of us
Bath and Body sent to us
Goodies for the kids
My mom was able to come help at one of our lowest points
Friends here who are making us meals, calling and literally shoulders to cry on
Friends who have watched the kids for a bit, run to the store for us or picked up necessities for us
People from church who (even though we haven't been there in months because my children are always sick or I am too overwhelmed to try and get 3 kids going by myself) still continue to check on us
Respite care for the kids
Free to our family child care

People all over the world praying for us during our rough times

The fact that even though I have never felt worthy to have any friends, I have more close friends than I can count
People who make me laugh
We continue to have the maids come once a week who are a life saver in the midst of our chaos
Connor has made so much progress since bringing a cat into our home
The cats -- Beastie and his "Foster" sister Fiona
Looking forward to a trip to Australia
Being able to get a hold of M right away when we need his support or to let him know about something going on
M's unit and the wives of his unit have been such a support

Even though I am not at the point where "if I had the choice I would do it all over again" cause right now I think if I had the choice I would not have children...I do love my kids.  I am trying to get past the point that if there were no children in my life, there would be only 2 adventures on the "adventure" list above.  I have always been a "rather not love at all" than a "better to have loved and loss than never loved at all" person.  This may sound crazy to you, but when I met Matthew, I told him I would rather miss out on knowing him then to have him break my heart.  He got it right way and has only made my heart bigger and better and I trust that he will not ever break my heart.

However, those kids are still blessings with their snotty kisses, giggles, smiles and for those few moments when they actually play together without anyone getting hurt.  When L gets excited about something and can't hardly talk or when Caleb walks up to me and kisses my leg for no reason at all, or when I get the the child care center and Connor runs to me with a smile that spreads across his WHOLE face!  When the kids are actually laughing together and talking about daddy.  When Connor tried to comfort Lexi today because he understood she didn't feel good.  When Caleb walks up to one of the cats and lays his head on the kitty.  When the kids pick up the phone and try to call grandma or dadda....these are all moments I love.  Sitting on the hallway floor reading a book or when L gets so wrapped up in her imagination that she truly sees a different world in our living room....these are all blessings.  Alright, maybe I would still have those monsters again if I had the choice...but don't let the word get out ;).

Thank you for being part of the blessings list as we struggle to make it through the "adventure" list.
In about 68 days there will be one of the biggest blessings of the WHOLE year of 2011!  So hang in there with us and please continue to love on us as we try to make it through.

PS  look at that, is the blessing list longer than the adventure list.  Thanks God!

4 and 1/2 more...

months that is.  Why is it that 4 and 1/2 sounds so much shorter than 5 months away?  For whatever the reason (probably cause no one is currently sick) I am feeling good about life today.

L woke me up the other morning with a smile.  She told me that she had slept wonderfully because of her dreams.  She was dreaming of when daddy gets home!  That was a beautiful way to greet the day!

The next morning I awoke to giggles.  Beastie was giving L her kisses and she was giggling from the joy of her kitty kisses.  I am so blessed to have 3 amazing kiddos!

Not too much is going on here.  With the web page being updated frequently, I don't have much to tell you on here.  I am just grateful for my husband who chose me!  I am grateful for my kids and the whole rest of our family.  I am grateful for friends and that our apartment didn't flood very much during the typhoon.  Don't get me wrong though...there are tough days.

One day in particular a couple of weeks ago I was giving the kids baths (which are far and few between because have you ever bathed 3 kids by yourself?)  So I decided to condense and give all the kids a bath at the same time.  HUGE mistake.  By the end Caleb had cracked chunks out of his two front teeth and was screaming bloody murder at the same moment in which L got soap in her eyes and proceeded to scream bloody murder.  Then Connor chose that moment to flip one wash cloth in each hand as fast as he could flinging water ALL over me, his siblings and the bathroom.  I yelled, "This is why there are supposed to be two parents!" as I attempted to comfort Caleb, look for his teeth pieces and wash L's eyes out who also needed comforting.  This is not for the faint of heart!

I am so blessed with the kids God has blessed us with and I am humbled by the fact that M chose me to be the one who he put faith for his family in.  Not the spiritual faith, but faith that I can keep the home going, the kids happy and take care of him anyway in which he needs from afar.  I love you M!

I know my mother thinks I am insane to have brought a cat into our home...and she is probably not the only one.  Did I really need another creature to clean up after?  How much puke and poop do I really want to be spend my time cleaning up?  However, if you were here and had seen the response of the kids to the cat in the last week, you would know instantly why the kids needed a cat!  First, this is the best cat we could have ever prayed for!  He is sweet and gentle!  He doesn't tear up furniture.  He only meows when one of the kids gets too close (and by too close, I mean twice I have gotten up to respond to the pitiful meowing and Caleb is sitting on top of the cat smiling).  He has not once pulled out his claws, scratched a kid, hissed or been mean!  I am spending 90% of my time trying to protect the cat from the kids, but he is so gentle.  L has been so sweet and gentle since the cat came home.  She is more respectful and tries to protect the cat as much as a 3 year old can.  Connor babbles all day now, mostly about the cat.  He smiles and loves interacting with Beastie.  If someone new comes into the house, he is fine interacting with the new person because they can play with the cat together.  Caleb loves to "tell" me stories about the cat.  He is constantly gesturing towards the cat and talking up a storm.  He tells me all about what the cat is doing.  This was the best decision for the kids!!!  Hopefully the cat likes us as much as we love him.  I suspect he does because I went to bed last night and while checking on L, the cat was curled right against her fast asleep.  I think Beastie's foster mama made a purfect match.  (Sorry, couldn't resist.).

Time to sing off as Beastie is trying to help me type.