Developmental Delay

An update on my little men...

Connor is being identified as developmentally delayed.  For those who ask, this does not mean he is retarded.  He has some areas where he is delayed due to being a preemie, a twin, a boy, having an older sister who "helps" and it looks like he has some sensory integration problems.  Which according to medical dictionary means:

Definition

Sensory integration disorder or dysfunction (SID) is a neurological disorder that results from the brain's inability to integrate certain information received from the body's five basic sensory systems. These sensory systems are responsible for detecting sights, sounds, smell, tastes, temperatures, pain, and the position and movements of the body. The brain then forms a combined picture of this information in order for the body to make sense of its surroundings and react to them appropriately. The ongoing relationship between behavior and brain functioning is called sensory integration (SI), a theory that was first pioneered by A. Jean Ayres, Ph.D., OTR in the 1960s.

He has some language delays which contributes to the biting and screeching that he uses instead of words and he has some fine motor (think small muscle) delays.  He is also as stubborn as a mule, he wants to do what he wants to do and everyone else better leave him alone.  He also appears to have some perfectionist tendencies...so he refuses to complete activities until he can do them perfectly...which makes him appear to be more delayed than he really is.  All these separate issues combine to what we call developmentally delayed.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will catch up and probably by the age of 3 will no longer need any services at all which is wonderful.  25 years ago he would have not even been diagnosed with anything other than a being little quirky. 

Because the sensory issues, language delay and behaviors (screaming/biting) are interfering with his overall development; he will be receiving Occupational Therapy 2x's/month, a Special Educator 2x's/month and a Speech Therapist probably 2x's/month starting in September.  

I hope this is clearly explained for our family what is going on with Connor.  If you have any questions definitely feel free to ask!  I tend to use the phrases and language of the field just because I was in special education for so long, so sometimes it is hard for me to remember to clarify for people unfamiliar with the way we speak about the field.



Please pray for me...as I am making all these decisions about how to best serve Connor, I am struggling.  I struggle with knowing what exactly is the best thing; trying not to be overconfident because this is my field and then having no confidence because it is so different with your own child.  I feel lost because my parenting partner is not here to bounce/discuss ideas on how to best help Connor.  If M was choosing to be away from our family it would be different, I would just take care of everything.  But because he will be back, and he stays involved as the daddy, I want to make sure that the decisions I make are really best for Connor and that M agrees.  This has been a very hard week and I can't explain my struggles other than I am not concerned about Connor, but I am concerned about how I am parenting while temporarily parenting alone.

Last night M was able to call and we had the chance to discuss some of this. He was so supportive and wonderful!!!  But like my mom says, mother's guilt never goes away.  I think most moms do go to bed wondering if they are doing "it" right.  I have to give this to GOD and know that he placed Connor in my life because I know what to do for him!  I always knew I would have a special needs child...so I have to have confidence that I am best for Connor because this is how God planned it!  I am also so thankful that Connor doesn't appear to have a life-long disability.  He is delayed right now, but there is no doubt among his team that he will eventually catch up.  So while we will have an intense year or two of therapy and support, I am so thankful that he doesn't have Autism, Down's, or any other life-long learning difference.

Caleb is delayed, but not enough to qualify for services.  No shock because this is life with preemies...keep your baby in the uterus as long as you can, not that you have much control, but the preemie things continues to be a difficult.  So no services for Caleb, but he will continue to be monitored.

Both boys do have fluid on their ears and can hear face to face at about 3 feet.  Anything farther than that and they will have trouble hearing.  The boys will be monitored about every 4 weeks to make sure the fluid is not causing ear damage or greatly impacting their hearing.  The boys will continued to be monitored just to make sure we are staying on top of all the concerns.  So glad to have most of the support we need over here.


Alright, the brain vomit is slowing for now.  Thanks for encouraging us on this journey!

Old Hymns

The churches I have gone to since graduating high school sing newer contemporary songs.  Do you ever miss the old hymns?  I have been!  Since having kids, I would love to be at a church that at least occasionally sang all the old hymns.  I want my kids to have that same feeling of comfort I have when hearing the old music.  What is you favorite old hymn?  Mine is Sing and Be Happy (at least I think that is the name) and the one that starts with "There is beyond the azure blue..."

I would love to hear your favorite to bring up fond memories!

Not killing time anymore

About a year ago a friend who has two boys and then identical twin girls wrote that she had not really ever been excited about being a stay-at-home-mom until then.  I so related to this feeling.  She was then finally at a point where she was now enjoying her kids, liking being with them and excited about what each day would bring.  I was not relating to that feeling.  However, I can say that we have reached that point.  I used to think of being at home as a time killer until we could settle and the kids were older.  I would stay at home because it was easier and best for our family.  But I was in the meantime aching to be back in a classroom.  I missed the new year smell, the progress of kids who may not be making such progress with others, the thrill of a child's success.  I can honestly say, since January, life has been getting better and better.  Of course there are frustrating days, but who doesn't have those.

This week with 3 sick kids I realized I am no longer just killing time until I can go back to work.  Being able to snuggle with each kid as he/she was sick was priceless.  I enjoyed being able to hold them and get them what they needed from a mother's heart.  I couldn't imagine my babies even feeling a little crummy and sending them off because I couldn't afford to miss another day of work.  I am grateful we are not having to worry about me missing work and a paycheck.  I am so grateful for the way our lives have unfolded and for the amazing support of our friends and family.

M and I worked very hard pre-kids setting us up to be in a place where we could afford for me to stay home.  I am now so grateful we had a plan and by the grace of God were able to accomplish that plan.  We may not be able to go on weekend trips all over Asia, but my kids have mommy here each day.

I also could not imagine being a working mother.  How do you get errands done, laundry done, kids' activities, homework, church, etc.  How do you do it all and still love on your kids and be there for your kids?  You are quite extraordinary women to be able to do it all!

A toast to all mothers --- those who work outside the home, those who stay at home, those who have babies in Heaven, those who have born children or welcomed a child into your home not from your flesh, those who do it alone and those who have a partner, those who can't be with their children and those who reach out in motherly ways to the people around you.  We are all in this together

I know some people are very sensitive about this topic.  I am not writing this to put down a different way of life for anyone else's family.  Each family has to do what is best for their family.  If you know me at all, you know I advocate what is best for the family!  With M's long work hours, gone for weeks and months at a time, and having to be able to up and go with a moment's notice, there is no other choice for our family.  This is best for our family.  I have to be the rock that our kids rely on and the person who will remain constant.  Leaving no room for work -- and I am recently finding myself so grateful for this!  So don't get all flustered and offended.  I am only expressing my appreciation for our life.  That doesn't mean I don't value you and your life too.

Have a wonderful weekend!

PS - as always stupid comments will be deleted.  Caring, loving, supportive and encouraging-to-all-mothers comments welcome!

Early Intervention -- Again

Here we go again. Almost one year exactly.  Today the boys had their 15 month check up (month and 1/2 late with mommy of the year award going to B).  The Dr. is concerned that the boys are only using about 4 words.  Connor is displaying a few more red flags so EDIS (Early Intervention) will be contacting us shortly.  We'll go through the referral and eligibility process again.  While I am certain that the boys are only delayed and will eventually catch up just as they have since they were born, if we can get services, we will use them.  Being twin, males, preemies,  and an older sister who speaks A LOT well; these are many of the factors we consider when deciding if a child truly has a disability or just somewhat delayed.  We'll keep you updated.  Neither M or I are too concerned and are looking forward to the day very soon when 3 kids are jabbering my ear off.

They both do have terrible colds with ear infections.  They are snotty nosed and just plain miserable.  So please do say a prayer that I have 110% patience with the whining, fussiness and overall unhappy boys.

L just got home from a friend's house and looked off.  She now has a 102.1 temp.  I don't want the family she was with to get sick.   Please pray for all 3 sick kids and that Mama doesn't get sick too!

Please also pray for Connor.  He is now in the 1% for weight.  We are adding some supplements to his diet to try and get some weight on him.  He is way too tiny and needs to get some meat on his bones.  Don't I wish I had that problem ;).  Thanks you all!!!!

Children's Benadryl -- Help PLEASE!

There are only 3 OTC drugs I can give to my babies.  We can no longer get ANY of the only 3 meds for my children at the Commissary or the Exchange.  Can you please help?

Back in Nov. I stocked up on Motrin and Tylenol which are not available.  However, I can no longer get Childrens' Benadryl.  Amazon will not ship Childrens' Benadryl to us.  Can you please help us?  I will reimburse you when you let me know how much you have spent and postage.  I would REALLY appreciate being able to get this item for my snotty nosed babies.  Thank you to you who respond!!  Do you have any idea how miserable little ones can be without meds?  God Bless pioneer women who had no meds for their tykes.  I am just not willing to go without when it is available.

Thank you for your help and support!

8 years later

How did I know M was "the one" for all the rest of my life?

He prays for us.
He prays for our family.
He is a steady rock of faith.
He can be counted on for big and little things.
He overcomes struggle with God and determination.
He is wise.
When he makes a decision, he sticks to it.
He is truthful with grace ind integrity.
What he loves about the Marine Corps. is Semper Fidilis.  Which he lives out in every moment.
He loves his family.
He is dedicated to becoming a better man each day.
He continues to learn when he can.
He can interact and connect in a way with Lexi which guides her to becoming a Christ-centered woman.


Thank you dear God for bringing us together.  Thank you dear God for the life that we have and the blessings and trials you have provided.  Thank you for M!