College

My 10-year college reunion was last week.  Wow.  "That is crazy to me to think about" is of course what everyone says.  Because of the reunion which I missed (living in Japan put a damper on that one) I have been thinking about my college years.  For almost two weeks I had dreams every night about the what ifs and maybes of all the big decisions I made back then.  Boy I sure knew nothing and the older I get the less I realize I know.

Sad to say, but I really don't remember college very much.  I of course remember close relationships but not a lot of the college experience.  I am not sure what happened to those years other than I know I worked hard.  I think the working hard is what did it for me.  I went on about 4 hours of sleep per night almost the whole time.  Between 18 hours/semester, working off campus (many weeks up to 30 hours/week), work study, being an RA and soccer, I have very few and very vague memories of those years.

I do remember my college recruiter saying that I would be married by the time I graduated and I looked at him confused.  Why would I get married in college?  I was there to get a degree!  Then after my first year at York I think there were about 21 weddings...and I figured out what the recruiter was talking about.

I remember hating school the first 2 years and then loving it the last 2 1/2.  That would be because I met some very dear friends who I still keep in my heart.  But most of the time in York is a blank.  I didn't have a camera and I think that is a huge part of why I don't remember much.  There is nothing to look at and reminisce about.  I also have a terrible memory which is something my daughter has already figured out; she is very patient when I am constantly forgetting things.

About all I remember is being poor...I once was so poor I had no $$ to fill up my gas tank and my boyfriend at the time had to push my car into the gas station and put gas in it.  I was too proud to ask but since he pushed the car into the gas station I suppose I really did need the help with a little gas.  I remember one semester living on crackers and cheese and when my roommate felt sorry for me she would give me a can of tuna.

I don't even remember doing homework...which I must have done because I graduated with a 4.0 in my major and with honors overall.  But how or when did I do it?

I don't know what we did for fun.  I don't remember much at all which is such a shame.  I am certain that college has played a HUGE roll in who I have become, I just don't remember how I got here.

I hope that my children don't have to work like I did when they go to college.  And I will definitely be sending them with a camera!


What are your memories of your late teens and early 20's?

The list goes on...

Our deployment has been filled with lots of adventure:

One ER visit for L
Dr visit for ear infections
back thrown out
22 vomits/cribs changes in 11 days
hand, foot and mouth on all 3
more double ear infections
about 5 different viruses going through the kids other than the hand, foot and mouth and the ear infections
boys going to have ear surgery for tubes
one boy identified as DD -- temper tantrums, sensory issues and language delays
audiology appointments
ENT appointments
EI appointments for OT and SLP
I believe there was another ER visit in there for one of the boys
back hurt again
getting fat because I now eat when stressed and there has been a lot of stress (didn't know this about myself until my metabolism slowed and the gaining started)
My brother leaving for the sandbox doing a VERY dangerous job
car blew up
other car died
L broke her toe or jammed it really bad
I have had one night of really good sleep since May
Boys referred for the Developmental Pediatrician because they are having so many issues
One seizure

To think that there are still 2 months left of this "adventure" makes me want to vomit, convulse, and run away all at the same time.  At least we don't have cancer, at least we don't have cancer, at least we don't have cancer has been my mantra lately.  Because I frequently feel that is the only thing to be thankful for...then I remember all the blessings and try to hold onto that.

Blessings:

Family members who send cards, email, call and send packages and write FB notes
Friends who send packages, cards, call and leave FB notes
Books sent to all of us
Bath and Body sent to us
Goodies for the kids
My mom was able to come help at one of our lowest points
Friends here who are making us meals, calling and literally shoulders to cry on
Friends who have watched the kids for a bit, run to the store for us or picked up necessities for us
People from church who (even though we haven't been there in months because my children are always sick or I am too overwhelmed to try and get 3 kids going by myself) still continue to check on us
Respite care for the kids
Free to our family child care

People all over the world praying for us during our rough times

The fact that even though I have never felt worthy to have any friends, I have more close friends than I can count
People who make me laugh
We continue to have the maids come once a week who are a life saver in the midst of our chaos
Connor has made so much progress since bringing a cat into our home
The cats -- Beastie and his "Foster" sister Fiona
Looking forward to a trip to Australia
Being able to get a hold of M right away when we need his support or to let him know about something going on
M's unit and the wives of his unit have been such a support

Even though I am not at the point where "if I had the choice I would do it all over again" cause right now I think if I had the choice I would not have children...I do love my kids.  I am trying to get past the point that if there were no children in my life, there would be only 2 adventures on the "adventure" list above.  I have always been a "rather not love at all" than a "better to have loved and loss than never loved at all" person.  This may sound crazy to you, but when I met Matthew, I told him I would rather miss out on knowing him then to have him break my heart.  He got it right way and has only made my heart bigger and better and I trust that he will not ever break my heart.

However, those kids are still blessings with their snotty kisses, giggles, smiles and for those few moments when they actually play together without anyone getting hurt.  When L gets excited about something and can't hardly talk or when Caleb walks up to me and kisses my leg for no reason at all, or when I get the the child care center and Connor runs to me with a smile that spreads across his WHOLE face!  When the kids are actually laughing together and talking about daddy.  When Connor tried to comfort Lexi today because he understood she didn't feel good.  When Caleb walks up to one of the cats and lays his head on the kitty.  When the kids pick up the phone and try to call grandma or dadda....these are all moments I love.  Sitting on the hallway floor reading a book or when L gets so wrapped up in her imagination that she truly sees a different world in our living room....these are all blessings.  Alright, maybe I would still have those monsters again if I had the choice...but don't let the word get out ;).

Thank you for being part of the blessings list as we struggle to make it through the "adventure" list.
In about 68 days there will be one of the biggest blessings of the WHOLE year of 2011!  So hang in there with us and please continue to love on us as we try to make it through.

PS  look at that, is the blessing list longer than the adventure list.  Thanks God!

4 and 1/2 more...

months that is.  Why is it that 4 and 1/2 sounds so much shorter than 5 months away?  For whatever the reason (probably cause no one is currently sick) I am feeling good about life today.

L woke me up the other morning with a smile.  She told me that she had slept wonderfully because of her dreams.  She was dreaming of when daddy gets home!  That was a beautiful way to greet the day!

The next morning I awoke to giggles.  Beastie was giving L her kisses and she was giggling from the joy of her kitty kisses.  I am so blessed to have 3 amazing kiddos!

Not too much is going on here.  With the web page being updated frequently, I don't have much to tell you on here.  I am just grateful for my husband who chose me!  I am grateful for my kids and the whole rest of our family.  I am grateful for friends and that our apartment didn't flood very much during the typhoon.  Don't get me wrong though...there are tough days.

One day in particular a couple of weeks ago I was giving the kids baths (which are far and few between because have you ever bathed 3 kids by yourself?)  So I decided to condense and give all the kids a bath at the same time.  HUGE mistake.  By the end Caleb had cracked chunks out of his two front teeth and was screaming bloody murder at the same moment in which L got soap in her eyes and proceeded to scream bloody murder.  Then Connor chose that moment to flip one wash cloth in each hand as fast as he could flinging water ALL over me, his siblings and the bathroom.  I yelled, "This is why there are supposed to be two parents!" as I attempted to comfort Caleb, look for his teeth pieces and wash L's eyes out who also needed comforting.  This is not for the faint of heart!

I am so blessed with the kids God has blessed us with and I am humbled by the fact that M chose me to be the one who he put faith for his family in.  Not the spiritual faith, but faith that I can keep the home going, the kids happy and take care of him anyway in which he needs from afar.  I love you M!

I know my mother thinks I am insane to have brought a cat into our home...and she is probably not the only one.  Did I really need another creature to clean up after?  How much puke and poop do I really want to be spend my time cleaning up?  However, if you were here and had seen the response of the kids to the cat in the last week, you would know instantly why the kids needed a cat!  First, this is the best cat we could have ever prayed for!  He is sweet and gentle!  He doesn't tear up furniture.  He only meows when one of the kids gets too close (and by too close, I mean twice I have gotten up to respond to the pitiful meowing and Caleb is sitting on top of the cat smiling).  He has not once pulled out his claws, scratched a kid, hissed or been mean!  I am spending 90% of my time trying to protect the cat from the kids, but he is so gentle.  L has been so sweet and gentle since the cat came home.  She is more respectful and tries to protect the cat as much as a 3 year old can.  Connor babbles all day now, mostly about the cat.  He smiles and loves interacting with Beastie.  If someone new comes into the house, he is fine interacting with the new person because they can play with the cat together.  Caleb loves to "tell" me stories about the cat.  He is constantly gesturing towards the cat and talking up a storm.  He tells me all about what the cat is doing.  This was the best decision for the kids!!!  Hopefully the cat likes us as much as we love him.  I suspect he does because I went to bed last night and while checking on L, the cat was curled right against her fast asleep.  I think Beastie's foster mama made a purfect match.  (Sorry, couldn't resist.).

Time to sing off as Beastie is trying to help me type.

Developmental Delay

An update on my little men...

Connor is being identified as developmentally delayed.  For those who ask, this does not mean he is retarded.  He has some areas where he is delayed due to being a preemie, a twin, a boy, having an older sister who "helps" and it looks like he has some sensory integration problems.  Which according to medical dictionary means:

Definition

Sensory integration disorder or dysfunction (SID) is a neurological disorder that results from the brain's inability to integrate certain information received from the body's five basic sensory systems. These sensory systems are responsible for detecting sights, sounds, smell, tastes, temperatures, pain, and the position and movements of the body. The brain then forms a combined picture of this information in order for the body to make sense of its surroundings and react to them appropriately. The ongoing relationship between behavior and brain functioning is called sensory integration (SI), a theory that was first pioneered by A. Jean Ayres, Ph.D., OTR in the 1960s.

He has some language delays which contributes to the biting and screeching that he uses instead of words and he has some fine motor (think small muscle) delays.  He is also as stubborn as a mule, he wants to do what he wants to do and everyone else better leave him alone.  He also appears to have some perfectionist tendencies...so he refuses to complete activities until he can do them perfectly...which makes him appear to be more delayed than he really is.  All these separate issues combine to what we call developmentally delayed.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will catch up and probably by the age of 3 will no longer need any services at all which is wonderful.  25 years ago he would have not even been diagnosed with anything other than a being little quirky. 

Because the sensory issues, language delay and behaviors (screaming/biting) are interfering with his overall development; he will be receiving Occupational Therapy 2x's/month, a Special Educator 2x's/month and a Speech Therapist probably 2x's/month starting in September.  

I hope this is clearly explained for our family what is going on with Connor.  If you have any questions definitely feel free to ask!  I tend to use the phrases and language of the field just because I was in special education for so long, so sometimes it is hard for me to remember to clarify for people unfamiliar with the way we speak about the field.



Please pray for me...as I am making all these decisions about how to best serve Connor, I am struggling.  I struggle with knowing what exactly is the best thing; trying not to be overconfident because this is my field and then having no confidence because it is so different with your own child.  I feel lost because my parenting partner is not here to bounce/discuss ideas on how to best help Connor.  If M was choosing to be away from our family it would be different, I would just take care of everything.  But because he will be back, and he stays involved as the daddy, I want to make sure that the decisions I make are really best for Connor and that M agrees.  This has been a very hard week and I can't explain my struggles other than I am not concerned about Connor, but I am concerned about how I am parenting while temporarily parenting alone.

Last night M was able to call and we had the chance to discuss some of this. He was so supportive and wonderful!!!  But like my mom says, mother's guilt never goes away.  I think most moms do go to bed wondering if they are doing "it" right.  I have to give this to GOD and know that he placed Connor in my life because I know what to do for him!  I always knew I would have a special needs child...so I have to have confidence that I am best for Connor because this is how God planned it!  I am also so thankful that Connor doesn't appear to have a life-long disability.  He is delayed right now, but there is no doubt among his team that he will eventually catch up.  So while we will have an intense year or two of therapy and support, I am so thankful that he doesn't have Autism, Down's, or any other life-long learning difference.

Caleb is delayed, but not enough to qualify for services.  No shock because this is life with preemies...keep your baby in the uterus as long as you can, not that you have much control, but the preemie things continues to be a difficult.  So no services for Caleb, but he will continue to be monitored.

Both boys do have fluid on their ears and can hear face to face at about 3 feet.  Anything farther than that and they will have trouble hearing.  The boys will be monitored about every 4 weeks to make sure the fluid is not causing ear damage or greatly impacting their hearing.  The boys will continued to be monitored just to make sure we are staying on top of all the concerns.  So glad to have most of the support we need over here.


Alright, the brain vomit is slowing for now.  Thanks for encouraging us on this journey!

Old Hymns

The churches I have gone to since graduating high school sing newer contemporary songs.  Do you ever miss the old hymns?  I have been!  Since having kids, I would love to be at a church that at least occasionally sang all the old hymns.  I want my kids to have that same feeling of comfort I have when hearing the old music.  What is you favorite old hymn?  Mine is Sing and Be Happy (at least I think that is the name) and the one that starts with "There is beyond the azure blue..."

I would love to hear your favorite to bring up fond memories!

Not killing time anymore

About a year ago a friend who has two boys and then identical twin girls wrote that she had not really ever been excited about being a stay-at-home-mom until then.  I so related to this feeling.  She was then finally at a point where she was now enjoying her kids, liking being with them and excited about what each day would bring.  I was not relating to that feeling.  However, I can say that we have reached that point.  I used to think of being at home as a time killer until we could settle and the kids were older.  I would stay at home because it was easier and best for our family.  But I was in the meantime aching to be back in a classroom.  I missed the new year smell, the progress of kids who may not be making such progress with others, the thrill of a child's success.  I can honestly say, since January, life has been getting better and better.  Of course there are frustrating days, but who doesn't have those.

This week with 3 sick kids I realized I am no longer just killing time until I can go back to work.  Being able to snuggle with each kid as he/she was sick was priceless.  I enjoyed being able to hold them and get them what they needed from a mother's heart.  I couldn't imagine my babies even feeling a little crummy and sending them off because I couldn't afford to miss another day of work.  I am grateful we are not having to worry about me missing work and a paycheck.  I am so grateful for the way our lives have unfolded and for the amazing support of our friends and family.

M and I worked very hard pre-kids setting us up to be in a place where we could afford for me to stay home.  I am now so grateful we had a plan and by the grace of God were able to accomplish that plan.  We may not be able to go on weekend trips all over Asia, but my kids have mommy here each day.

I also could not imagine being a working mother.  How do you get errands done, laundry done, kids' activities, homework, church, etc.  How do you do it all and still love on your kids and be there for your kids?  You are quite extraordinary women to be able to do it all!

A toast to all mothers --- those who work outside the home, those who stay at home, those who have babies in Heaven, those who have born children or welcomed a child into your home not from your flesh, those who do it alone and those who have a partner, those who can't be with their children and those who reach out in motherly ways to the people around you.  We are all in this together

I know some people are very sensitive about this topic.  I am not writing this to put down a different way of life for anyone else's family.  Each family has to do what is best for their family.  If you know me at all, you know I advocate what is best for the family!  With M's long work hours, gone for weeks and months at a time, and having to be able to up and go with a moment's notice, there is no other choice for our family.  This is best for our family.  I have to be the rock that our kids rely on and the person who will remain constant.  Leaving no room for work -- and I am recently finding myself so grateful for this!  So don't get all flustered and offended.  I am only expressing my appreciation for our life.  That doesn't mean I don't value you and your life too.

Have a wonderful weekend!

PS - as always stupid comments will be deleted.  Caring, loving, supportive and encouraging-to-all-mothers comments welcome!

Early Intervention -- Again

Here we go again. Almost one year exactly.  Today the boys had their 15 month check up (month and 1/2 late with mommy of the year award going to B).  The Dr. is concerned that the boys are only using about 4 words.  Connor is displaying a few more red flags so EDIS (Early Intervention) will be contacting us shortly.  We'll go through the referral and eligibility process again.  While I am certain that the boys are only delayed and will eventually catch up just as they have since they were born, if we can get services, we will use them.  Being twin, males, preemies,  and an older sister who speaks A LOT well; these are many of the factors we consider when deciding if a child truly has a disability or just somewhat delayed.  We'll keep you updated.  Neither M or I are too concerned and are looking forward to the day very soon when 3 kids are jabbering my ear off.

They both do have terrible colds with ear infections.  They are snotty nosed and just plain miserable.  So please do say a prayer that I have 110% patience with the whining, fussiness and overall unhappy boys.

L just got home from a friend's house and looked off.  She now has a 102.1 temp.  I don't want the family she was with to get sick.   Please pray for all 3 sick kids and that Mama doesn't get sick too!

Please also pray for Connor.  He is now in the 1% for weight.  We are adding some supplements to his diet to try and get some weight on him.  He is way too tiny and needs to get some meat on his bones.  Don't I wish I had that problem ;).  Thanks you all!!!!

Children's Benadryl -- Help PLEASE!

There are only 3 OTC drugs I can give to my babies.  We can no longer get ANY of the only 3 meds for my children at the Commissary or the Exchange.  Can you please help?

Back in Nov. I stocked up on Motrin and Tylenol which are not available.  However, I can no longer get Childrens' Benadryl.  Amazon will not ship Childrens' Benadryl to us.  Can you please help us?  I will reimburse you when you let me know how much you have spent and postage.  I would REALLY appreciate being able to get this item for my snotty nosed babies.  Thank you to you who respond!!  Do you have any idea how miserable little ones can be without meds?  God Bless pioneer women who had no meds for their tykes.  I am just not willing to go without when it is available.

Thank you for your help and support!

8 years later

How did I know M was "the one" for all the rest of my life?

He prays for us.
He prays for our family.
He is a steady rock of faith.
He can be counted on for big and little things.
He overcomes struggle with God and determination.
He is wise.
When he makes a decision, he sticks to it.
He is truthful with grace ind integrity.
What he loves about the Marine Corps. is Semper Fidilis.  Which he lives out in every moment.
He loves his family.
He is dedicated to becoming a better man each day.
He continues to learn when he can.
He can interact and connect in a way with Lexi which guides her to becoming a Christ-centered woman.


Thank you dear God for bringing us together.  Thank you dear God for the life that we have and the blessings and trials you have provided.  Thank you for M!

What?

This email has been cracking me up for 2 days...hope you enjoy!  Don't get all churchy on me, sometimes you just need a good laugh.

Resimay 
To hoom it mae cunsern, 

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.   

I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..   

I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,   
Pepole really seam to respond 
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.   

I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.    
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,  

I can start emeditely.  Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.   

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr. 

Sinseerly, 

BRYAN     

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.  

Employer's response: 
Dear Bryan ,   
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.  
See you Monday.