Pity Party

Okay, since last Wednesday things have not been nearly as wonderful as they had been. I had a friend call and ask if life was "really" as great as they sounded on the blog. Well, since Wed. life is tough. For some reason Lexi started fussing a lot and waking much more frequently. Then Matthew was at work late every night last week until about 10:30 p.m. He leaves by 6:45 a.m. and gets back so late! How do people those kind of hours for any length of time???? We (Matthew and I) are so tired. This recruiting job is a killer! Did you know that of the approximate 35 recruiters in New Jersey, there are 3 singles, 13 pending divorces, and one person having major issues and being discharged. 13 DIVORCES!!!!! We know that we have God on our side, but 13 divorces gives you an idea of how hard recruiting duty is. Matthew is working so many hours, totally exhausted, and then I don't get a break from a new baby because how can he give me a break when he is more tired than I am. My parents keep encouraging me that anyone can do anything for the short-term. Well, it will be tough to maintain a happy home for this 3 year tour!

I am by no means a single mom...I never have to worry about where I am going to have $$$ to pay the bills. We are also blessed that Matthew at least comes home every night! I am, however, raising Lexi for this short time we are on recruiting duty. Matthew gets to see her, at the most, for about an hour each day; that is a short time! I feel very alone sometimes in this parenting thing. Then I feel bad for feeling unhappy, because Matthew is that much more tired and stressed and he doesn't get to see all the smiles that I get to see. At least we don't have to worry about Matthew being shot at in Iraq.

It is hard to keep going and being here for such a needy "parasite." A family member called the baby a parasite, because for right now, she takes and takes and wears out the host. I know this will pass and most people end up forgetting what it was like with a newborn. (That's what they said about pregnancy...haven't forgotten that yet ;). Life right now is hard and that is okay. It will be better soon. God has already answered prayers about making Matthew's job better. I am just excited for this beautiful daughter of mine to be getting more sleep and becoming more independent.

After a good cry tonight, a good talk with my wonderful husband and a phone call to talk things out, I am better. Just a rough couple of days. Will never blow off a mom who says she is tired again. When Lexi is older, I will also make a mission of helping new moms!

Oh, what's with the husband being unable to figure out what goes in a diaper bag? Matthew is an intelligent, very capable man who surprised me this lack of awareness. Any of you ladies have trouble getting to church on time because the father of your wonderful babies has no idea what items and supplies need to accompany the baby? How can daddy think we can just walk out the door with only baby in arms!

I love you ladies and I have a new found respect for every mother on the planet. No wonder we have Mother's day! This mother who is no longer on the mommy honeymoon is signing off for the night. I love you ladies!
B